it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My liver just had a heart attack.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
