I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
