i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
