we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
