We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
