FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
