just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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