Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
