Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
