I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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