Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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