I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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