The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
