I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
