Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
