I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
