if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
