That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
