what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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