the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
