and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
