Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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