I can feel you judging me through the phone.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
