My brain says no but my pants say off.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
