Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
