is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
