I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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