Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He told me they were just razor bumps!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
