This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
