you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
