You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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