is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
