Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
