An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
