is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
