I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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