You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
