guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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