I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
