you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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