when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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