I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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