Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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