if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Even my vagina gasped.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
