mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Apparently you make a good broom.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
