90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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