i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
