Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
