OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
