The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
