i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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