I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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