Swine flu. Run for my life!
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
