I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
