they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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